Sixth Meeting ~ Chez Anders ~ learning from history

The Sixth meeting was in Anders' apartment, with the topic being learning from relationship history. It was a good time to open up personally.

 

Sometimes it's just fika or dinner for two or three.  Some people don't want to be photographed, so we won't always take pics of the people...

Fifth Meeting ~ Medborgplatsen, Björns Trädgård ~ science of attachment

This meeting in a park, with no relation to Björn, the original host, was a potluck, and the July weather was very nice.  The conversation was on Attachment, and we tried to all read an article summarizing the book Attached by Dr. Amir Levine and Rachael S.F. Heller, c. 2010.  We also took a quiz on 'attachment tendencies' to assess our habits of behavior, style of attachment in relationships and needs.

 

The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find-And Keep-Love

 We had a younger group, most in their 20s and 30s, with a few newcomers. Good discussion.

Fourth Meeting ~ Monk's Porter House ~ what makes some couples "work"?

The fourth meeting was in Monk's Porter House in Gamla Stan.  It was not posted on Meetup.  Only 10 were invited by evite, those from Single Mingle who said they wanted to be on a regular invitation list for this kind of conversation, off the Meetup site.  We agreed that this would allow us to avoid repeating introductions and the same questions over and over.  It would also allow us to help each other in a supportive way, as a sort of community.  Thus, we dubbed the group "Community in Conversation."

         

We met to talk about Masters of Love, a study about why some couples "work" and last and others do not, by Emily Esfahani Smith, published in the Atlantic Monthly.
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/

The conclusion of the 7 of us present, all except Nancy were in 20s and early 30s, was that kindness and generosity were essential to longevity in any relationship.

Third Meeting ~ Chez Doris ~ character

Doris hosted our third conversation night.  We began with a potluck dinner and then shifted to the conversation time.  About 12 people were there, all she could fit, in her livingroom. It was Doris' first time, as well as one or two others.  So we began again with introductions.

The questions got a bit more personal, about values in relationships and in life, about what commitment means, when divorce is understandable and when it is not and character in general.

Second Meeting ~ Ibbe's House ~ many topics

For our second meeting, we also posted it on Björn's Meetup group, but this time, Björn enlisted a friend, Ibbe to host it.  His apartment is centrally located in Stockholm and a bit larger.  We could set the limit at 20, but there was still a waiting list.  People who had come to the first meeting were complaining that they could not get in, and felt left out.  This was a great gathering of 22 total (including Ibbe and his girlfriend who are not on Meetup), where the wine was flowing more freely, the age range was 18-60 and people were very open.

We began with a cocktail and soup mixer, (Ibbe made a famous homemade recipe), a sort of party that lasted over an hour, mainly in the kitchen. 

Then we moved to the livingroom for conversation time.  Ibbe did not want food or drinks in his livingroom, so this was a distinctively different part of the evening.

The format was round-table sharing, with one question asked of each person.  Because of the group size, we were timed at 5 minutes per response.  Questions varied from "What is your ideal date?" to "What do you expect as non-negotiables from a partner?"  The answers varied widely, sometimes by gender or age group or culture...  we also talked about how faith can play a part.

We tried to make it orderly by going in a circle, but the wine got the best of that, and we ended up in more of a speak-if-you-want-to approach.  Then, we took a break to have some more snacks and use the rest room, and a few had to leave.  This phase of the discussion was more freeform and even a free-for-all, in a way.  But the consensus was that we should do this kind of event regularly.

First Meeting ~ Björn's house ~ what do you want in a relationship?

Our first meeting was posted on the Singles Meetup which Björn started over a year ago.  We met at Björn's house, and we had to limit it to 12 because of the size of his apartment.  There was a waiting list of at least 12 others.  Together, we introduced ourselves quite thoroughly and discussed relationships and what we are looking for in them.  It was an excellent time of sharing.