Eleventh Meeting ~ Anders' House ~ Is there a ONE for us or is that a myth?

At our eleventh meeting, 6 of us enjoyed an Arabic dinner cooked by Anwar, which included a vegetarian option and a birthday cake.

Afterward, we watched the movie "Timer" which is about a device that tells each person when he or she has met "the One" life partner.  The movie explores the mystery of searching for a mate and true love vs. the certainty of finding the match that will last...  "no more gut-wrenching divorces" it claims.

So afterward, we discussed whether or not we think there is one "right person" for us. People had widely varying opinions, most feeling that relationships along the way teach us valuable lessons and should not be avoided... that it's okay to have non-serious relationships with people that will likely not be our special person worthy of life-long commitment.

Tenth Meeting ~ Magnus Ladulås ~ love languages

This week, we discussed our love languages, based on the concepts and approach in Dr. Gary Chapman's book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

How do you find out your partner's love language, in order to communicate affection in the way he/she can receive it?  And how do you let them know yours?   

To begin with, we each took the Five Love Languages quiz to assess our love languages.  
 
Knowing your and other peoples' love languages can help us all find and keep healthy relationships. Dr. Chapman explains how important it is for couples to understand how each other and themselves both give and receive love. It is possible for couples to truly love each other, but to truly feel unloved because they don’t think the same about giving and receiving love.

Everybody generally has their own primary love languages for receiving love and giving love. It may be the same for giving/receiving, and it may be different.

The “Love Tank” analogy is a great metaphor for describing how loved someone feels. Like a gas tank in a car, our lives run best when our Love Tank is filled and constantly being topped off. The alternative is running on fumes and burning out.

Meeting people’s primary love language consistently will fill up their love tank and help them feel loved like they need. But if a partner fails to meet this primary love language, it might leave one feeling unloved and cause issues in relationships.

5 Love Languages:
1. Words of Affirmation
means you feel most cared for when your partner is open and expressive in telling you how wonderful they think you are, how much they appreciate you, etc.
2. Acts of Service
If your partner offering to do something for you or help you finish a chore gets your heart going, then this is your love language.
3. Affection
A warm hug, a kiss, touch, and sexual intimacy make you feel most loved when this is your love language.
4. Quality Time
is about being together, fully present and engaged in the activity at hand, no matter how trivial.
5. Gifts
Your partner taking the time to give you a gift can make you feel appreciated.

It was a great discussion.

Ninth Meeting ~ Magnus Ladulås ~ imbalance in finances

We went to a weeknight, by popular vote. 

The topic this time was  How do you get out of the rut of entering relationships with the same kind of unhealthy people?  

We all have been in ruts... where people wanted to use us for various reasons.  Or people were narcissistic or even abusive or unfaithful.  The topic drifted to finances being a problem in relationships, different ideas about spending and saving.  Then, we even talked about pre-nuptial agreements and real estate in Stockholm!   It was a widely meandering conversation, but all good. 

Eighth Meeting ~ Magnus Ladulås ~ mutual trust

For the eighth meeting, we stayed in Magnus Ladulås, since we can think of no better place.  The dinner is pricey, and we just go for drinks, now.

The topic this time was:  what makes a person "safe" to share with, to be vulnerable with?  What do you expect in terms of mutual trust?

Some of our ideas were (1) loyalty is important, (2) being able to keep secrets, to not violate the other person, (3) interest in our well-being.  There were others, but those were key consensus conclusions.

Seventh Meeting ~ Magnus Ladulås ~ adaptation

The seventh meeting was held at Magnus Ladulås in Gamla Stan because of the quiet, semi-private atmosphere, lack of crowds and inexpensive food and drinks.  It took place in the wintertime, with a long hiatus due to schedules and Nancy being out of the country for a few months. 

The topic of the evening was personal change and adaptation in relationships
What kind of change is necessary and good in the context of a relationship in order for it to work?  What sort of people change in relationships, and when / how is that healthy or not?

We had a lively discussion that included people thinking that we can learn something as we adapt to the other person.  The other person must also adapt to our personality, hobbies and needs.  It is a win-win, if everyone is doing a bit of adapting, and no one is losing their identity, like a chameleon.  It is important to have an established personal identity, in order to have a healthy relationship.